


broken but still good

by parkrstark



Series: Whumptober 2020 [10]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual Peter Parker, Childhood Trauma, Crying, F/M, Gen, Mentioned Skip Westcott, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Underage, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Tony Stark, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: "You'll hate me if I tell you."Tony knows he can't hate Peter. He's incapable of it. That kid is too good. But when Peter tells him about a man from his childhood, Tony definitely hates this man. For what he did 10 years ago and for the lasting effects it has on Peter now.Because Peter's convinced he's broken and Tony refuses to let him live like that.Whumptober day 12: broken
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Whumptober 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946683
Comments: 23
Kudos: 334





	broken but still good

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic. Just a warning, I don't edit vent fics. They are meant to be raw and let it all out in the moment and if I go back and edit that, I think I'm taking away from the true feelings I was having when writing the vent. So I'm sorry for any mistakes, I hope you can respect my choice.
> 
> Warnings for this one: past noncon that is not explicit at all. But it's skip. So yeah the content and theme is still there. Panic attacks. Victim blaming themselves. Talking about trauma and how it can affect romantic and sexual feelings.

Tony knows the kid well enough to know something is definitely wrong. He's not chatty like usual, and he doesn't offer any smart ass comments as they work in the lab even when Tony makes a stupid mistake. 

He doesn't even look like he's there with him. He's just going through the motions of everything. 

And because Tony knows Peter, he knows it's a sign of his anxiety. Working in the lab like this is definitely not safe, so he puts a hand on the kid's back and steers him away from the table and towards the couch in the corner. 

Peter doesn't react until they're both sitting down and DUM-E is beeping concerningly. He blinks his eyes twice and then his eyes come back to this world and he looks from the lab table to Tony. "Mr. Stark, what's wrong?" 

"Nope. I'm asking  _ you  _ that, kiddo." 

Peter furrows his brow and at first, Tony doesn't think he's getting a response, but then he says, "I'm alright." 

"That was real convincing. Why don't you try out for the school play with those acting skills?" Tony raises an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. 

"Fine. I'm not really alright, but there's nothing you can do to fix it, so there's no need to dump it on you." Peter's eyes suddenly wouldn't meet Tony's. 

"I think I'm pretty good at fixing things, squirt. Just ask DUM-E." 

Peter sighs heavily and Tony knows he's about to get some teenage angst, but usually, with Peter's life, it's warranted. "You can fix machinery and technology...not...me." 

Tony watches Peter gesture to himself with a disgusted face like he's such a burden and Tony hates it. "You're a human being. You don't need to be fixed." 

"Oh, but I do." 

"But you don't. You're not broken, so don't even start with that," Tony warns. 

"I am, Tony," Peter says and it's serious because he got  _ Tony. _ "You don't know, but if you did, you would agree." 

"Explain to me then so I can give you a fair decision." Tony crosses his arms over his chest and waits. Peter stares back and Tony makes himself more comfortable, leaning back and shutting his eyes. "I'll just wait until you're ready, kiddo." 

He does wait and when Peter finally speaks, he feels like an asshole. Because the kid's voice is shaky, like he's afraid it's going to break from the tears. "You'll hate me if I tell you." 

Tony shoots his eyes open and immediately he tries to catch Peter's gaze. "Pete, look at me. Peter. Bud. Come on. Just for a sec." 

Peter does finally and his eyes are welling with tears already. 

Tony takes his hand and squeezes it. "You could do anything to make me hate you. I am incapable of hating you." 

"But you  _ don't know."  _ Peter sounds desperate for Tony to either know or never find out. 

"So, then tell me, bud. Tell me and I can help you," Tony pleads. 

"I've been dating MJ…" 

"Yes…" Tony says, trying not to already jump to conclusions. Did they break up? He doubts she did something to hurt him like this; Tony has seen them together and the way she looks at him, there isn't a bone in her body that could ever hurt him. 

"I like her. Like a lot." Peter rubs his nose, but before long he's breaking down anyway. "I-- I think I love her but--." 

"But what?" 

"What if I'm not asexual?" 

Tony blinks, trying to keep up. "What? Do you...have feelings for her like that now?" Tony could find the topic unsettling to have, but he doesn't because he knows Peter is already embarrassed and he's looking for advice. Tony is the man in Peter's life he gets advice from. Tony can't let him down. 

Peter shakes his head anyway. "No, I still hate it, but what if I'm not actually asexual?" 

Tony doesn't follow, even though he's trying. "Do you think you could be homosexual?" 

"No!" Peter says quickly as if the idea scares him. "Not boys. No boys." 

Tony really doesn't understand now because he's told Tony about his crushes. He's told him the worst part about watching Star Wars was getting distracted by both Princess Leia  _ and  _ Han Solo. "Pete, you gotta help me out here." 

"I'm just...wondering if I'm not actually asexual. Maybe I was supposed to have a sexual reaction to my partner but--..."

"But?" Tony prompts. 

"But what if it's really just a repulsion because of trauma. Maybe I get sick thinking of sex because I remember the memories and it makes me too anxious to even think about enjoying it?" Peter’s rambling now and Tony is struggling to keep up. 

But the words he says leaves a bad feeling in Tony's stomach. "Memories?" 

Peter's lower lip wobbles. "I said you were going to hate me." 

"And I said that was impossible." 

Peter takes a deep breath and the story doesn't come right away. Peter has to battle a few panicked breaths before he can get any words out. "I had a babysitter when I was a kid. He was older than me. He was 18." 

Tony has a feeling he knows where this is going and he hopes he's wrong. For once he doesn't want to know everything. Let his mind fool him. 

"We played Lego every day until a few weeks he wanted to play his games." Peter reaches out to grab something and Tony makes sure his hand is held securely. "I didn't want to. I promise." 

"I know," Tony comforts. "I believe you, kiddo." 

"H-he said he was gonna tell May and Ben I was a bad boy and I didn't want to get in trouble. B-but then I found out the games and I didn’t like them and when I asked him to stop, he said he'd tell them. He'd tell them it was my idea and my fault and--." 

Tony wants to pull him in for a hug, but during a panic attack like this, especially considering the topic, he thinks that might not be a god idea. But he keeps his voice calm and reassuring as he talks to Peter. "You're alright. You're not back there. You're in the lab with just me, Mr. Stark, and DUM-E." 

Peter's eyes are squeezed shut though and he doesn't seem to hear him. "H-he made me fo things and-- I just think of that stuff whenever I think about sex and what he made me do and it's scary." 

"I bet it is," Tony whispers. "But you're so strong. And you're so brave." 

Peter shakes his head. "I'm not. I've never even told May." Tony's eyes widen. "I just waited til he moved away for college."

"Pete, he's still out there--?" 

"I know, okay! I let him go and he's probably out there hurting other kids because of me, but I'm not brave enough to stand up against him. Almost 10 years later and I'm still terrified. 

_ God, his babysitter has to be almost 30 years old now and Peter was still a kid.  _ The thought makes Tony ill. 

"None of that is your fault. Only his. I can look him up and I'll find him and get him locked up." That's a promise Tony plans to keep. "You don't have to do it alone." 

Peter pitches himself forward and falls into Tony's hold. He lets himself break down as Tony rubs his back. "I-I'm sorry." 

"Hey, none of that now." Tony hushes him softly as he lets Peter cry it all out. He's obviously needed this. For a while. "Did you keep this to yourself all these years?" 

"Uh huh," Peter mumbles into Tony's shirt. 

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been. But easier than telling someone. I'm very proud of you for telling me. Thank you." Tony makes sure the kid knows that what he did was an act of great strength, even if it brought him to his knees. 

"I told you. I'm broken." 

Tony brushes some hair back and sighs. "This doesn't make you broken. And I especially don't hate you, by the way." 

"I don't know...what if im just  _ scared  _ and not really asexual?" Peter's hold tightens on Tony. "And, and...sometimes-- even though I really like MJ...I don't know if I like  _ like  _ her. I can imagine myself with her perfectly, but then we're alone. And I'm scared. I don't want to make out with. I've been avoiding her for the last week because I'm afraid of being along and having to even kiss her. I can't fake something like this for my life. What if I'm not only asexual but aromatic too. Or maybe it's just the trauma again-- I don't know and I just want to know so I can stop feeling this way. She's supposed to make me happy and she does but I make myself miserable and I wish it would just shut up!" 

Tony waits for him to finally take his breath. Then he asks after a moment, "Feel better?" 

"No…" 

"Pete...I wish I had the answer for you. I wish I did. But, this is one of those times that I don't. You've got to figure it out yourself by living. There's no other way." 

Peter wipes his face against Tony's shirt. "But I don’t want to. I just want to be able to be with her and be normal." 

"Have you tried talking with her about this yet? I know she'd understand." 

Peter shakes his head. "I don't want her thinking it's her fault or that I'm not attracted to her. I just...want to be good for her." 

"Being good for her is being yourself and nothing else," Tony says, keeping his voice firm. "There's nothing wrong with being yourself." 

"Unless you're broken like me."

"No. You are not broken. You are human. Yes, you've gone through shit and you're allowed to hurt, but you are not broken. There is nothing to fix about you." 

"Then why do I constantly feel broken?"

Tony sighs, rubbing some hair from Peter's forehead again. "Because you're too hard on yourself. I love you for you. MJ loves you for you and she will when you talk to her. That's the best way to solve this. Communication. It's going to be okay." 

"What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?" Peter asks in a small voice. 

"Kid, this is MJ. So, I doubt that's even a possibility. But on the smallest chance that she breaks up with you, I'll order a dozen pints of ice cream, we'll watch cheesy movies until we cry and then we'll eat our ice cream and cry some more when we run out within a few hours." 

"Do you think I'm different...now that you know?" 

Tony doesn't even need to ponder the question. "Nah, you're still the same dorky little Spider-Baby I know and love." 

Peter's next question is another no-brainer. "Are you going to go after him?" 

"Sure am. With the fury of every Iron Man suit plus a War Machine, a grumpy boxer, and an aunt that could surely scoop out my eyes out for fun if she wanted to." He's going to have fun dreaming about all of them ripping apart this babysitter kid later. 

Peter doesn't say a word, but he doesn't move from Tony's chest either. His sobbing has quieted down to soft sniffles.

"No matter what," Tony says. "Whether you're asexual aromatic or you're not and you're working through some trauma, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for sticking true to yourself. You're going to find your spot one day and it's all going to make sense. Until then, I'll be right here making sure it all goes okay." 

Peter wraps his arms around Tony and whispers, "Thank you. For everything." 

"You can thank me by telling me that you're not broken." 

"Mr. Stark." 

"Mr. Parker." 

Peter sighs and shifts in his spot. "Fine. I'm not broken. Is that what you wanted to hear?" 

Tony smiles brightly. "Sure is. You'll be repeating it everyday until you believe it and you know it's true." 

Peter rolls his eyes, but Tony continues anyway. 

"You are Peter Parker. You're human and you might be hurting, but you are not broken. You will never be broken." 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. The 3nding is ehhh because I don't have an ending for myself so it always feels weird giving my characters one. But I hope it was good nonetheless.


End file.
